Oh, wonderful

I've not had the best day in the world. I've not been feeling well, which was enhanced by a slightly foolish decision to stay up and trade cricket for sleep (seemed worth it at the time) and work has been banging my head off a wall of indecisive idiots again. So I decided to go home 'early' (7pm, but everything's relative) and have a quiet evening relaxing to try and recharge for the morrow.

Except I was stupid enough to catch a glimpse of the Metro on the way out of the building and I've subsequently spent my evening fuming.

Pagan prisoners to get four days free of work a year
Pagan prisoners are to be given four days off work a year to celebrate days including Halloween and a ‘festival of the lactating sheep’.

Festival of what? Nice use of literal translation to make us look like idiots.

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Offenders who claim to follow the Pagan or Wicca faiths – immortalised in the 1973 film The Wicker Man – will be given the same religious rights as Christian or Muslim inmates. 

The Wicker Man? Seriously? The only thing that has in common with Wicca is the homonym!

Pagans and druids will even be allowed to have ‘wands’ or ‘sticks’ in their cells and may be allowed special foods such as roast boar and roast goose with non-alcoholic honey mead.

They will be able to chose to take off four out of the eight Pagan festivals, which also include Beltane on May 1 when believers celebrate the Sun God with ‘unabashed sex­uality and promiscuity’. 

Oh great. So, our religion demands promiscuity. That's great to hear. Wish I'd been told. Should I recant my beliefs now that I'm happily married?

Inmates may be able to hold apple bobbing contests for the Halloween festival of Samhain. Pagans regard apples as ‘the food of the underworld’. 

Apple bobbing... WHAT? That's like saying Christmas is the festival of pulling crackers and wearing paper hats! And I certainly can't remember the last time I regarded apples as 'the food of the underworld'.

Last night, the Prison Officers’ Association warned some prisoners would simply ‘jump on the bandwagon’ to gain extra privileges.

General secretary Steve Gillan told Metro: ‘I don’t know how this fits in with the 40 hours of work the justice secretary wants prisoners to do.’

The Ministry of Justice said the new guidelines come into force on Jan­uary 1 and all prison governors must be made aware of Pagan festival dates.

Tory MP Robert Buckland said: ‘I think a lot of Pagan themselves would say once you’re in prison a different set of rules apply. I think a lot of people will be bemused by this.’ 

And of course, I'm sure you'll be insisting that all of the Muslim prisoners don't stop work to pray five times a day and that the Christian prisoners don't stop work for Sunday worship. After all, when you're in prison, a different set of rules apply.

But Chris Callender, of the Howard League for Penal Reform, said: 'People sent to prison lose their liberty – they should not lose their right to freedom of expression.’

That damned hippie and his insistence on right to religious expression.

And to add that extra touch of colour to the proceedings, the hard copy of the paper included a cartoon depicting a pagan with devil horns, complaining about how he had to drink goats' blood.


For those whom are interested, you can complain to the Press Complaints Commission here as this clearly contravenes 'Clause 1 - Accuracy' and 'Clause 12 - Discrimination' of the Editors' Code of Practise. I have, and it hasn't made me feel one whit better.

Especially since I've just discovered that the Daily Mail has written a similar (although slightly less insulting) article. Joy. Back to the PCC page again.

PJW